MBTA(-holes)

Suck it, green line... Turns out Boston College isn't entiiiiirely full of alcoholics. There are a few that are just bad bad bad drivers.

"Ohhh look, a trolley! No big deal, I'm in a jeep!"

(almost) the whitest kids I know

Nick T introduced me to these guys. The odd thing is, I'm from Maine so these really AREN'T the whitest kids that I know. Still funny bastards though.

In preparation for the fourth...

...What's more american than f------ up british folks, driving a car like you stole it (even though it actually belongs to you), and tearing around in said car through a field? ...doing it in 1776

(Big props to http://www.brostoncollege.com/ for finding this.)

Mo Money Mo Problems

...I don't think P. Didds aka Puffy aka Diddy aka "Name A.D.D" really had this in mind when he wrote the song.  Honestly, how GD bored and lonely do you have to be to spend REAL MONEY on virtual shit? "Habbo Hotel?" Are you shitting me? If I hadn't read this article I would've assumed that this was a new homeless shelter with a witty name. Now, much to my own disgust, I know that it's a website where dorks with too much time on their hands buy (using REAL money) stuff that's not-real, for a persona that's not-real, in a place that's not-real, so that said not-real personas can have a realllllllly great not-real existence.

...wait, what?

Yeah exactly. Real money on fake shit.  Not even crackheads do that. Sure, they blow their money (or, rather, they use their money to blow) on something with zero practical use, but even in the middle of his craziest, coked-out, non-sensical, Flava Flav-esque binge, I'm sure no crack-head would look at an exhange of cold hard crack-worthy cash for an invisible couch and say "YUP. That's a good idea."


(PS - If you are on Habbo Hotel, Ignore this stupid post because right now I'm having an exlusive, limited-time, members-only sale on lamps. Buy 1 lamp at the bargain-basement price of $499.99, get 214,406,245 free!)

...midget in a wetsuit?

Dear BBC,
Every Indian (or pakistani, or arab, or even just really-tan-kinda-ethnic-looking) guy in the world that was trying to pick up a lady-friend just got pointed at and laughed out of the bar all thanks to you. I think this might qualify as the largest (pun intended) simultaneous cock-block in human history.  Congrats.

Let the good times Rolllllll

So a couple months ago i was introduced to the wonders of the Gloucester DiscoBowl. I'm from a small town up in Maine, where there's literally 1 stop light...and nothing brings me back more than the inside of a candlepin bowling lane. Between the sanitation nightmare that are the bowling shoes (worn barefoot like a true Mainer) and the plethora of pregnant teenagers, it was home sweet home for me.

[Side note - The Lifetime movie about the pregnancy pact is 100% accurate. Pregnant girls were chuggin hennessy and punching each other in the stomach all night long.]

Obviously there are differences between Maine lanes and the modern marvels down here in the civilized world.
1- Awesome dinosaur bowling graphics. Get a strike and a pterodactyl comes and snags all your pins on the video scoring screen. No really, it adds a whole new element to the game. Bowlin' with Fred Flinstone, bitches.
2- Automatic ball counter - No, this isn't the same as the "invention" created by the creepy gym teacher that "fitted you" for your protective cup back in elementary school. This is a crazy little work of ingenuity that counts how many throws you've taken. Benefit? Saves you the massive pain in the ass of pushing the pin-reset button after you've tossed your 3. Drawback? No more "practice round" before and after each string. It seems that down here in the big city they've caught on to the fact that for every 1 string paid for, 3 are stolen out from under the establishment's proverbial nose, normally by way of 4+ balls being thrown at once.

One thing that's not any different - birthday parties. It's really what separates the blue bloods from the blue collars. The Pabst Blue Ribbon from the Johnny Walker Blues, if you will.  Everyone that was ever under the age of 12 knows that the really good birthdays were the ones at the 'Alley. Why? Because nobody wants to get all dressed up to go somewhere and watch someone that's NOT them receive and play with cool(-er than yours) toys for free. ...Try and get a few minutes of quality time with the little shit's new GI Joe, and all of a sudden you're the selfish one. At the bowling alley, everyone wins. If you have a quarter, then you're blowin' away bad guys from 2053 and chowing on free pizza while Jimmy is face-planting in his pile of convenience store gifts.